Clean English Jokes
Have fun and learn English.
Clean English Jokes!
Teachers often use jokes in the ESL/EFL classroom to teach culture, grammar and vocabulary. Here are some of the jokes you can use to learn or teach English.
These are jokes arranged according to the date of their submission. You can also browse jokes arranged into different categories.
Total Jokes: 507
Hearing problem
A man goes to the doctor, concerned about his wife’s hearing. The doctor says, “Stand behind her and say something and tell me how close you are when she hears you.”
The man goes home, sees his wife in the kitchen, cutting carrots on the countertop. About 15 feet away he says, “Honey, what’s for dinner?” Nothing. He gets halfway to her and repeats the same question. Nothing. Very concerned, he gets right behind her and asks again “What’s for dinner?”
She turns around and says “For the THIRD time, beef stew!”
Category | doctor
The man goes home, sees his wife in the kitchen, cutting carrots on the countertop. About 15 feet away he says, “Honey, what’s for dinner?” Nothing. He gets halfway to her and repeats the same question. Nothing. Very concerned, he gets right behind her and asks again “What’s for dinner?”
She turns around and says “For the THIRD time, beef stew!”
Category | doctor
Noisy students
While visiting a country school, the chairman of the Board Of Education became provoked at the noise the unruly students were making in the next room.
Angrily, he opened the door and grabbed one of the taller boys who seemed to be doing most of the talking. He dragged the boy to the next room and stood him in the corner.
A few minutes later, a small boy stuck his head in the room and pleaded, “Please, sir, may we have our teacher back?”
Category | school
Angrily, he opened the door and grabbed one of the taller boys who seemed to be doing most of the talking. He dragged the boy to the next room and stood him in the corner.
A few minutes later, a small boy stuck his head in the room and pleaded, “Please, sir, may we have our teacher back?”
Category | school
Why didn't he get punished?
Teacher: “George Washington not only chopped down his father’s cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn’t punish him?”
Louie: “Because George still had the axe in his hand.”
Category | school
Louie: “Because George still had the axe in his hand.”
Category | school
Me!
Teacher: “Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn’t have ten years ago.”
Winnie: “Me.”
Category | school
Winnie: “Me.”
Category | school
Without using tables
Teacher: “John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?”
John: “You told me to do it without using tables.”
Category | school
John: “You told me to do it without using tables.”
Category | school
Can you write in the dark?
Sylvia: “Dad, can you write in the dark?”
Dad: “I think so. What do you want me to write?”
Sylvia: “Your name on this report card.”
Category | children
Dad: “I think so. What do you want me to write?”
Sylvia: “Your name on this report card.”
Category | children
You don’t know your arithmetic
Teacher: “If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have?”
Vincent: “One dollar.”
Teacher: “You don’t know your arithmetic.”
Vincent: “You don’t know my father.”
Category | school
Vincent: “One dollar.”
Teacher: “You don’t know your arithmetic.”
Vincent: “You don’t know my father.”
Category | school
The same essay
Teacher: “This essay on your dog is, word for word, the same as your brother’s.”
Student: Yes, sir, it is the same dog.”
Category | school
Student: Yes, sir, it is the same dog.”
Category | school
Math problem
Teacher: “Here is a math problem. If your dad earned $300 dollars a week and he gave your mother half, what should he have?”
Student: “A heart attack.”
Category | school
Student: “A heart attack.”
Category | school
How can you prove the earth is round?
Teacher asked George: “How can you prove the earth is round?”
George replied: “I can’t. Besides, I never said it was.”
Category | school
George replied: “I can’t. Besides, I never said it was.”
Category | school
Jokes arranged into different categories
Have FUN :-)
