Home/Study Pages/

laughClean Jokes

Clean English Jokes

Have fun and learn English.

Clean English Jokes!

Teachers often use jokes in the ESL/EFL classroom to teach culture, grammar and vocabulary. Here are some of the jokes you can use to learn or teach English.

These are jokes arranged according to the date of their submission. You can also browse jokes arranged into different categories.

Total Jokes: 441

Page 1 of 45        1    2    Next

I am too young

A prominent young attorney was on his way to court to begin arguments on a complex lawsuit when he suddenly found himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter started to escort him inside, when he began to protest that his untimely death had to be some sort of mistake. "I'm much too young to die! I'm only 35!" St. Peter agreed that 35 did seem to be a bit young to be entering the pearly gates, and agreed to check on his case. When St. Peter returned, he told the attorney, "I'm afraid that the mistake must be yours, my son. We verified your age on the basis of the number of hours you've billed to your clients, and you're at least 108."
Category | lawyers

Defense lawyer

When a person assists a criminal in breaking the law before the criminal gets arrested, we call him an accomplice. When a person assists a criminal in breaking the law after the criminal gets arrested, we call him a defense lawyer.
Category | lawyers

At the Gates of Heaven

Following a distinguished legal career, a man arrived at the Gates of Heaven, accompanied by the Pope, who had the misfortune to expire on the same day. The Pope was greeted first by St. Peter, who escorted him to his quarters. The room was somewhat shabby and small, similar to that found in a low grade Motel 6 type establishment. The lawyer was then taken to his room, which was a palatial suite including a private swimming pool, a garden, and a terrace overlooking the Gates. The attorney was somewhat taken aback, and told St. Peter, "I'm really quite surprised at these rooms, seeing as how the Pope was given such small accommodations." St. Peter replied, "We have over a hundred Popes here, and we're really very bored with them. We've never had a lawyer."
Category | lawyers

A lawyer and an engineer

A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean when they got to talking. The lawyer mentioned, "I'm here because my house burned down and everything got destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything."

"That's quite a coincidence," remarked the engineer. "I'm here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood. My insurance company, too, paid for everything."

There was a brief pause, and hen the puzzled lawyer asked, "How do you start a flood?"

Category | lawyers

Call a lawyer

Someone mistakenly left the cages open in the Reptile House at the zoo and there were snakes slithering all over the place.

Frantically, the keeper tried everything, but he couldn't get the slippery animals back into their cages. Finally, he yelled, "Quick, call a lawyer!"

"A lawyer? Why?"

"We need someone who speaks their language."

Category | lawyers

Obituary mistake

A local newspaper mistakenly printed an obituary for the town's oldest practicing lawyer. He called them immediately and threatened to sue unless they printed a correction.

The next day, the following notice appeared, "We regret that the report of Attorney Critchley's death was in error."
Category | lawyers

They aren’t all so bad

A group of dinner guests were blaming all of America’s troubles on lawyers when a woman said, “They aren’t all so bad. Why, last year a lawyer gave me $1000.”

“I don’t believe it,” the host responded.

“It’s true, I swear it,” said the woman. “I had a complicated personal injury case and what with the lawyer’s fee, the cost of expert witnesses, the expense of the appeal and so on, my bill was $41,000. When the judgment only amounted to $40,000, my lawyer simply forgave the difference.”
Category | lawyers

Guess who?

A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.

His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'"

"But why?" asks the man.

"I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.
Category | lawyers

Two people in the same grave

A little boy was in a cemetery with his mother “Mommy” the boy asked , “do they ever bury two people in the same grave?” “Of course not, dear.” replied the mother, “Why would you think that?” “The tombstone back there said, Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.”
Category | lawyers

The will

A man hears from a doctor that his end is near so he heads over to a lawyer to write a will. The secretary watches as the man walks into the Lawyer’s office and as three minutes later the man walks off in a huff. “Can I help you?” asks the secretary, dashing after the obviously upset man. “HELP ME? THIS GUY IS CRAZY! I asked him to help me write a will and he says to me: ‘sure, let me just ask you a few questions and then leave it all to me.’ “I’ve heard before how lawyers are dishonest but this just takes the cake!”
Category | lawyers

Page 1 of 45        1    2    Next

Jokes arranged into different categories

Have FUN :-)